Conflict Resolution

Approach calmly, stopping any hurtful actions. Place yourself between the children, on their level; use a calm voice and gentle touch; remain neutral rather than take sides.

• Acknowledge children's feelings. Say something simple such as “You look really upset;” let children know you need to hold any object in question.

• Gather information. Ask “What's the problem?” Do not ask “why” questions, as young children focus on that what the problem is rather than understanding the reasons behind it.

• Restate the problem: “So the problem is...” Use and extend the children’s vocabulary, substituting neutral words for hurtful or judgmental ones (such as “stupid”) if needed.

• Ask for solutions and choose one together. Ask “What can we do to solve this problem?” Encourage children to think of a solution but offer options if the children are unable to at first.

• Be prepared to give follow-up support. Acknowledge children’s accomplishments, e.g., “You solved the problem!” Stay nearby in case anyone is not happy with the solution and the process needs repeating.

Adults respect children’s ideas for solving problems, even if the options they offer don’t seem fair to adults. What’s important is that children agree on the solution and see themselves as competent problemsolvers.